10.25.2005

Freaky Sex Show

how the fuck did this thing start? well let me tell you. a word to the wise, my brothers, beware the "freaky sex" siren call. you know what i'm talking about. there's something freaky about imagining sex with a 5-foot, 100-lb chick, especially when you're like 6'2", 220. and sure, maybe it is freaky and seemingly hot and everything, at least in the beginning. but then it's just plain sick. and overrated.

and i suspect that is the sentiment of most (insert the 'non-loser, reasonably attractive' qualifier) guys and handful of girls who've fucked her. she can let out this sensual, confident vibe that you'd swear she must be skilled in the sack. you'd be wrong. she isn't. she didn't know how to get herself off, much less me. it took 2 years to get her up to snuff. sure there are times when you catch a visual of her body akimbo to yours in the bedroom mirror, or glance down the bed and think to yourself, "wow, that's a really small chick doing her thing down there", but that only goes so far. at the end of the day, you're having sex with a little girl with breasts that would barely fill a shot glass and about as much hip action as my 5-yo niece after happy meal binge. i'm just not cut out to be a pedophile long-term. i think it was a phase.

it's like having a gimp for your base sexual fantasies, except you can't keep this gimp locked up, much as i tried. no, she wants to go out. great. so you have to wine and dine the gimp and be seen in public where you look like a loser sick bastard no matter how much make-up she foppishly slathers on her congenitally horrific skin.

and then there's the urinating routine--let me tell you what a fucking chore that is. on top of this requisite grossness a considerate lover must i suppose endure, one time when i was browbeating her for her latest whoring, she tells me she would "fake pee" from time to time. you know what Dio, if you're not getting off on a certain occasion, there's no need to soil my excellent lumbar-supportive mattress for effect. you can just say so. fuck, i didn't get off for the first full year, and you didn't see me gyrating wildly while uncoiling shits on your ultra-suede.

and i never even liked her. not even remotely. i thought she was an asshole from day 1. i would say she's pretentious, but that wouldn't really be accurate because to be pretentious you need to to have some modest superiority in something, real or imagined but at least able to be projected externally. she can't deliver the goods--by virtue of sub-par looks, class, education, race, intellect, charisma/wit. instead she's reduced to critiquing guys at trance clubs who wear undershirts, "why are you wearing 2 shirts?" and then running away snickering. a 29-yo. beyond pathetic.

maybe i just miss my A.

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